Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV --- Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge [know, recognize] him, and he will make straight your paths.
Yesterday was an amazing day. I got to meet with two awesome brothers in Christ. We had a very real and open time of discussion and accountability. I came home and spent the entire day with my amazing wife, Amanda Hall, who needs prayers right now for her back. I watched my middle son make some sacrifices to do something awesome for his twin brother. I adventured upon many things I was grateful to God for. It was absolutely amazing! Then today...
Today comes along and I am struggling badly to quiet my mind. To sit still. To focus on the Lord. To really dive into His word with Him. I normally just sit and talk and talk and talk with Him but today I get one sentence out then find myself far away in some mystical land of imagination. I read one word, then my brain is thinking about JezzBall.
Yes, you heard me right, JezzBall. A silly little Microsoft PC game from the early 90's. To be even more exact, my brain kept going back to around 1993 or 1994. My high school introduced PCs into some classes. Well before this, my Papa (Granddad) had bought a PC for my uncle Terry to learn AutoCAD on. DeVry didn't work out so the PC, along with about 500 pages of DOS commands ended up in front of little teenage me. So, I start typing in every single command to see what it does. I learn DOS inside out. Now flash forward to '93-'94, PCs being brought into the school, let's just say, I was easily able to get into anything and everything, including JEZZBALL. Such a fun, simple and ADDICTIVE little game.
What on Earth is actually happening right now, Phillip? Honestly, as I started typing this up, just being real and open with my struggle today, the Lord has flooded me with such peace and a silly kind of joy in it all. This journey of following Him and being obedient to share the ups/downs of my walk and relationship with Him is taking me to some interesting and sometimes strange places, but it's with Him and it's an adventure for sure!
Proverbs 3:5-6 in a way is how I learned to live my life last year. 2021 was the worst and hardest year of my entire life and most days God used these verses to help me just breathe. Still today I'm learning to trust Him more, to let go of my death grip on understanding everything in this life and simply follow Him to the next step on the straight path.
What's on my heart right now is to say openly, I am far from perfect. I don't have it all figured out. I'm not some high and mighty, holier than thou scholar who has some perfect relationship with God. I know I post these long daily letters about my relationship with Him, talking to Him, our love of Greek words and all the pictures of things I'm grateful to Him for, but I'm still me and I'm still human. I struggle. You struggle. It's okay to struggle. It's just doing the hard thing and being real about it with yourself, others and with God. Not hiding it or being backed into a corner with it, alone. NO! Bring it out into the light and never give up or give in to the voices of your old self, the world, or the devil.
Well, this is me being obedient to the Lord's direction. "No more hiding, Phillip." that's what He said to me on Dec 16, 2021. So today I close with this:
It's okay to JezzBall. Occasionally that is. Just keep it in the light. Tell God and others about it so they can help if needed. :)
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